The top lessons I’ve learned transitioning from one to two kids
I always knew I wanted more than one child. It's something my husband Ernest and I had always wanted even when we had our first conversation about kids. I always wondered how it would be transitioning from having one child to two. I began by asking a few moms about their transition experience, and I would get mixed feedback. On one hand, some would say it's easier because you've done it before. Then, on the other hand, they would say it's ten times harder. Now that I am about four months in, I would have to agree with the latter. Yes, I have done it before, but that was six years ago!! Things have changed and my life is COMPLETELY different now. I am in such a new season of my life that everything feels like I'm doing it for the first time. What worked for one kid doesn't always work the same for the other. Not only that, I forgot a lot of things that I did with Aria! Technology has evolved, new medical developments are in place, and the things that I obsessed over with my firstborn are no longer a priority. Even as a mom of two, I am still on google weekly; googling things like, "when do babies start to teethe."
Through it all, I will never take for granted how blessed I am to have my two little ones. I am grateful each day for them- but over the past few months, I have picked up a few lessons that I have learned with transitioning from one child to two.
Your oldest is still a kid.
Whew! If this wasn't a valuable lesson I learned EARLY!! I know for me, this was one of my biggest challenges. I found that once Bryce got home; I was sooo consumed with him (learning to breastfeed, changing him, catering to his every need), that I honestly started to neglect the time that I would normally spend with my oldest daughter, Aria. I noticed that my temperament changed with her because I would quickly get more frustrated with the little things that she did (partly because I was sleep-deprived), but also because I felt like she was "mature" and should know better. When, in reality, she's still a kid. I can't just assume now that I have a dependent baby on my arm that my small child still knows everything from right to wrong. I did notice that Aria, early on, would act out for attention. That is when I realized that I had to try my best to still spend equal time with her so that she still feels loved and not jealous of her baby brother. So that meant prioritizing more time with her. This included: lunch once a week at her school, mommy daughter shopping, nail dates, and spending time with her at night once my son was down for bed. Any of the little things we use to do before the baby, I wanted her to have those moments still so that she knows that her mom will always be there for her!
Relationships will change
What I didn't realize before having two kids is that nurturing and maintaining friendships and relationships both personally and professionally will be HARDDDD!! It's especially harder now because I have moved to a new city, so relationships I had before are hard because some people will operate on the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Then you have people in the new city that wants to meet up often, which is great, but time is soooo limited! It may take me two months to get that lunch date on the calendar. Everything I do, is a trade-off. In both my marriage and my friendships, I had to learn to be more strategic. An hour lunch date with a friend means I have to plan that hour date around nap time. Or an hour phone call means I may have to trade off a potential workout session, time with the baby, or working on my business. Traveling for friends' events means putting extra childcare on my husband, or family members. Everything is a trade-off, which I understand, and I am entirely willing to do for my valued relationships. But, I can only maintain relationships with people who understand this season that I am in, give me a little grace, and be willing to try on their part to uphold their end of the relationship. Maintaining relationships is a two-way street, and I honestly don't have the capacity to be the only one driving the car while holding a bottle in my baby's mouth. With that said, I have had to learn that not all relationships will survive this season of my life. I have to love and appreciate the people that get it, won't judge me when I fail, and will still do their part to be there when they can during this time. It is much appreciated and goes a long way. I don't want this to come off as being selfish, but I also want people to understand that the transition to becoming a mom, or a mom of two is no cakewalk. And I also, will be the first to stand up and admit that I will need help, support, and a little grace from my loved ones during this time.
Your marriage will take a backseat.
I am not going to lie on this one. In the first two months of Bryce's life, everything was all about HIM. I had to adapt and learn this new human, all while trying to keep the other child alive and well. My husband and I work well as a team, but we also often make our time together last on the list of priorities. This is not ideal, but it was our reality. Technically, we were husband and wife-FIRST, so we should try to keep our relationship first, but that is easier said than done. There would be nights where I am up all night with Bryce, so I am exhausted and have nothing left for my husband. It happens. But now that we are in a better groove with the children, Bryce is sleeping 7+ hours at night; we are back to ensuring that we spend more time together.
Me time is 2x more critical
I am a huge advocate for self-care and taking time for yourself. Now that I have two little ones, I have learned that it is even more essential but two times harder to achieve. We all know we can't pour from an empty cup, especially during the season of postpartum. It is easy to slip into a dark place. I have had my moments where exhaustion, stress, and being overwhelmed got the best of me. And in those moments, that is when I knew that taking the "me time" I deserved was two times more important. If I am not feeling good, who will run the household? My family needs me, so I need to make my self-care a priority. The way I did this was by having a conversation with my husband so that he understands how he can assist me in achieving my self-care goals. Whether that is taking the kids for a few hours while I step out to get a massage, or just lay in bed uninterrupted. However, you spend that time, ensure you get it at least once a week. Non-negotiable!
This will pass
In anything in life, it will pass. Time keeps ticking, the 24 hours you started the day with will dwindle to zero. Nothing lasts forever. So even in this season of my life where things are tough, I know that it won't last too long. My daughter just turned SIX, and I remember like it was yesterday delivering her with four pushes!! TIME FLIES when you are having fun (or working your ass off), so I continuously have to remind myself that it will get easier. One day I will be crying to my teenage kids asking them to be babies again! So let me savor and enjoy this moment because they will never be this young again.
With Love, Passion, and style,
Dayna